Hiya! I kept saying that I would update my blog but i never did it. Sigh. I don't know why every time I tried to write, things just got in the way so I never finished it. I promise I will work on it, though. This very new post isn't about books that I have read, unfortunately. It's just all about the beginning of my kinda messy and depressed life.
I admit I'm not the best place right now. I've been struggling for months and I have never felt so lost before. I don't know where should I start but I feel I can just start it from months before I was officially graduated from college. It's still fresh in the back of my mind that all I saw was my best friends' happy faces when we all could graduate in time. I was relieved that finally college was done. But was I happy? no. I was not happy. I did not have any plans, I did not even know what I was gonna do after the graduation, really.
Later that time, my cousin got a news that a school close to her house was in need an English Teacher and my mom heard it. She forced me to tried to apply and I told her no. I fought a lot with her because of that, she kept insisted to work in education field and i can say that it's not my forte. I was always wanting to get into english literature instead of education but my parents would not let me out of town. The university in my town was good sadly they did not have literature but education instead. I was stuck there. I was glad i found my best friends that made my college years less miserable.
I always want a job that does not require me to be the center of the attention. Please do not blame me. I am so insecure about the way I look. Just tell me how I was not if I was told that I'm fat since I was a child. Yes, I'm fat in fact, but I would appreciate it if it wasn't thrown at my face. I also have scar at my cheek, stitches scar that cannot get rid of for the rest of my life, that freaking doubles my insecurity. Besides, I don't really like talk to people, I don't really good at speaking honestly. But I like reading and writing and i better at the departments so I want to be a translator or editor or a journalist at a magazine.
I was waiting... waiting... and keep effing waiting. I have been waiting for like months to get a job in one of those three departments, but i did not get any. Once, I got an interview invitation but I could not make it. If only it was not such a short notice and the place was not too far. Well maybe that just was not my luck. I think my parents kinda impatient since it's almost a year and i was still jobless. Untill like a month ago, my uncle offered me a job. I hesitated for first then all people kinda forced to give it a shot. I did.
You know what? The very first day i was there, I hated every seconds I spent my time in that place. I feel so isolated since all the other workers are working in the location -it's building houses- and not to mention that they are all men. I'm doing the administration at office, mostly alone. The office is temporary and it's kinda horrible. There's cow farm close to the building and it often smells so bad. Just imagine. On the first week I worked there, I was so stressed out. I did not even talk to anyone at my house. I barely ate. I was really mad. When I got home, I went to my room and sleep. It's repeated for a week. Right now I'm still working at this place, though. I have no choice. I haven't got another job yet. I am already applying for jobs at other places, please wish me the best of luck!
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